A Winter's Wish Come True Read online

  My heart sinks, although I try my best not to show it on my face. ‘Did he now? What did he want?’

  ‘He said he misses me and wants to give things another go!’ She jumps up and down on the spot, clapping her hands and looking utterly delighted.

  ‘Well, that’s great.’ I try to muster up some enthusiasm, but that’s easier said than done. ‘He’s said that quite a few times over the last year or so though …’

  The smile falls from Zara’s face and her jumping comes to an abrupt halt. ‘Yeah, but he means it this time. He says he’s had time to think things through and he wants a future with me, with or without kids.’

  My heart aches for her; it hurts to see her swallow his lies for the umpteenth time. All I want to do is put an arm round her and make her see sense, but that strategy hasn’t had a high success rate so far.

  ‘Well, that’s great,’ I say, swallowing the words I really want to say. ‘I hope everything works out for you two.’

  I know it probably won’t and deep down, so does Zara. But she flashes me a grateful smile and goes off to join the others for Emma’s workout, which is just about to begin. I take a seat at the side, the urge to get up and join in gnawing away at me. I’ve become so used to leading the workouts that it feels odd to hand over the reins to someone else. But as Emma takes to the stage, clad in neon pink leg warmers and a leotard, I can see she’s in her element. I know she can’t do it every week and that I’ll have to talk to my boss Claudine about my pregnancy, but for this week I’m content to watch Emma light up the stage. As Waiting for a Star to Fall by Boy Meets Girl starts up, I can’t resist a smile. I really am lucky to have a best friend like her.

  *

  The dark thoughts strike again when I’m back at home. I’m waiting for my peanut butter chicken curry to heat up in the microwave when I look down at my stomach. Although nobody else would notice it since I’m wearing a loose black vest top, I’m pretty sure I can see a tiny bump starting to form. I press a hand to it, hoping I’m wrong, and breathe a sigh of relief when it turns out to be bunched up vest material. There’s still that awful, dark fear lurking at the back of my mind, like when you think you’re about to miss a step in the dark.

  It’s only a matter of time before you go back to your old self, a voice in my head teases, you’ll be Chunky Monkey again in no time.

  I hold back tears as the cruel nickname from my teenage years resurfaces. I haven’t thought about it in so long, but now the memories seem to have returned with a vengeance. Sooner or later, my body will start to change. Everything will get bigger: my bump will grow, my ankles will swell beyond belief, and even my fingers will balloon up. I’ll be unrecognisable; what if I can’t lose the weight this time?

  I swat these thoughts from my mind and take my dinner through to the living room. As I sit down, I catch sight of a photo of Scott and me on the side table. We’re standing in the middle of a beautiful forest, looking like we’re in our own little bubble of bliss. He’s behind me with his arms draped lazily round my shoulders, while I’m laughing at something funny he said moments before. It’s an off-guard shot, but it’s my favourite photo of us.

  And just like that, a memory from that day floats to the front of my mind.

  A year and a half earlier …

  ‘Do you ever imagine what it’d be like, having a mini-me or mini-you running around?’ Scott asks, looking down at me with a dopey grin. ‘Not now obviously, but in the future.’

  The question catches me off-guard in a pleasant way, but for a second I’m not sure how to answer.

  ‘Yeah, I have a couple of times,’ I admit. ‘And I think it’d be an amazing thing to do one day. Sounds like you’ve given it a lot of thought too!’

  He drops my hand and puts his arm round my shoulder, drawing me closer to him. ‘Of course I have, the last few months have been amazing. Obviously we’re not ready to take that sort of step just yet, but I love the idea of us taking it together. You’d be a great mum.’

  Warmth rushes through me as I briefly imagine Scott playing football with a little mini version of us.

  ‘What if I get to be the size of a walrus while I’m pregnant?’ I joke. ‘Will you still fancy me?’

  Scott reaches down and kisses the top of my head. ‘Cleo Jones, I will ALWAYS fancy you, no matter what your size. You could be the size of ten walruses and I’d still find you bloody attractive.’

  I let out a hollow chuckle as I realise that just a couple of months after this photo was taken, our relationship broke down. And now, more than a year on, I’m pregnant for real. It had all seemed like a dream for the distant future that day, something to aspire to when we were ready.

  Now it’s happening whether we’re ready or not.

  *

  Let’s get one thing straight: I love my parents.

  They gave me a great childhood that I look back on with fondness and they’re wonderfully supportive of me now. Of course, they have their moments where they get under my skin, but that’s parents for you.

  However, when my mum invites Scott and I to dinner the night after my Carb Counters meeting to ‘discuss the current situation’, I’m less than thrilled.

  ‘What current situation?’ Scott asks when I phone to tell him about it.

  I let out a frustrated groan. ‘The “us having a baby even though we’re not together anymore” situation, I think. Get ready for a lot of awkward questions, like are you going to marry me or whatever.’

  I hear him give a soft chuckle. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll brace myself.’ There’s a long pause, and then he speaks again. ‘I would have, you know. Married you.’

  I feel a pang of hurt and move the conversation to another topic. The less time dwelling on what could’ve been, the better.

  Scott meets me at my cottage shortly before 6pm. Mum said to arrive at ‘six for six thirty’ and I know better than to go against that.

  ‘You look smart,’ I say, gesturing to his pale blue shirt, navy tie and dark jeans. ‘It’s just my parents’ though, we’re not going to the Ivy!’

  ‘Hey, I’ve knocked up their daughter, I have to make a good impression,’ he shoots back with a grin. ‘I can’t get this tie to sit right though.’

  He walks over to the hall mirror and tries his best to adjust it, making it worse in the process.

  I roll my eyes. ‘Come here, I’ll fix it for you.’

  I join him at the mirror and undo his tie, which is now sitting at an odd angle because he’s pulled at it so much. I shake my head as I retie it, unable to believe he’s made such a mess of it. My fingers work quickly and before I know it, I’m finished.

  ‘There,’ I say, pulling his collar down. ‘Now you look like a respectable member of society … who’s also knocked me up.’

  We giggle for a moment and I realise I’m still holding onto Scott’s collar. I clear my throat and pat his chest.

  ‘Shall we get going?’ I suggest, grabbing my bag and coat.

  As we head out to go to my parents’ cottage, I try desperately hard to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. It’s the baby, definitely the baby. Nothing else.

  *

  ‘This spaghetti’s delicious, Mum,’ I say after finishing another forkful. ‘Did you use fresh tomatoes in the sauce?’

  She flashes me a tight smile and nods. ‘Yes I did, darling. There’s more in the pot if you want some. After all, you’re eating for two now.’

  I grit my teeth and do my best to ignore the seemingly throwaway comment. It’s not the first one she’s made about my pregnancy tonight and they’re getting harder to brush off.

  ‘This plate’s more than enough, thanks.’ I turn my attention to my food, putting more effort than necessary into twirling spaghetti round my fork.

  Mum throws her cutlery down, startling everyone and shattering the already tense atmosphere. ‘Alright, I think it’s time we discuss the elephant in the room.’

  Does she mean me? I’m not that big yet, surely?

 
I smooth my dress down to cover any hint of a bump I might have, even though I’m only eleven weeks gone.

  ‘David, your daughter is pregnant by her ex-boyfriend! Don’t you think you should say something?!’

  ‘Mum, for God’s sake,’ I groan. ‘You’re making such a big deal out of this when you don’t have to!’

  Dad looks around him, totally bewildered at the turn this evening’s taken. ‘What do you want me to do, bring out my shotgun and force him to marry her? It’s 2017 Nina, these things happen. They’re sensible, mature adults, what’s there to worry about?’

  The vein in my mum’s forehead looks like it’s about to explode. Her mouth hangs open as her skin turns scarlet with rage.

  ‘What’s there to worry about?! Is this really what you wanted for Cleo? To be having a baby with a man she’s not even in a relationship with anymore?! He left her to bugger off to Australia; what’s to stop him from doing that again?’

  Scott puts his cutlery down. I can tell he’s struggling to hold his temper. ‘Nina, if I could just say something—’

  Mum’s determined to charge on with her rant. ‘You remember how broken-hearted she was, even though she tried to pretend she was fine. He could just pack his bags and up sticks again if he wanted to. I don’t know why they aren’t getting back together to try and make a proper go of things—’

  ‘NINA!’

  Scott’s loud roar makes silence fall across the room. We all turn to look at him, waiting for him to say something else. He looks surprised that he’s managed to grab everyone’s attention and shout so loud.

  ‘I just wanted to say …’ He lowers his voice and looks Mum right in the eye, which I know from experience takes courage. ‘… Cleo and I are in this together. I’m not going to abandon her or run away from my responsibilities. This baby’s going to have two parents who play equal parts in their life and love them unconditionally. I know I left before, but I’m back for good this time. As for why we aren’t getting back together—’

  I tap my foot against his under the table and he looks at me, frowning. Trying not to attract too much attention, I shake my head and mouth ‘don’t say anything’. If he tells her he legged it the morning after we spent the night together, neither of us will hear the end of it.

  ‘Well?’ Mum demands. ‘Why aren’t you getting back together? Because God knows, Cleo doesn’t tell us anything.’

  ‘It’s called having a private life,’ I bite back.

  Scott bites his lip for a moment before continuing. ‘… The reasons aren’t important, Nina. We might not be together anymore, but I still love and respect Cleo so much. That’ll never change, no matter if we’re together or not.’

  Oh.

  I swallow the lump in my throat and hope my cheeks are turning as pink as I think they are.

  ‘Well, that’s a lovely sentiment, Scott.’ Even Mum’s impressed by his speech. ‘But what’s the plan here? How are things going to work if you’re not together? There’s a baby to think of, after all. Are you going to split custody or will the baby live with Cleo full-time? There are a lot of things to consider here!’

  I feel a headache begin to develop behind my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose to contain it.

  ‘We’ll figure it out Mum!’ I snap. ‘We don’t have to have all the answers right now, do we?’

  She raises her eyebrows and shoots me a knowing glance. ‘It’ll be your twelve-week scan soon, then the rest of the time will go so quickly If I were you, I’d get my ducks in a row now.’

  I sigh and shake my head, doing my best to focus on the food. Scott flashes a supportive smile in my direction and I return it, mouthing ‘thank you’ to him. It’s not easy to get through a dinner with my parents, especially when my mum’s in Interrogation Mode.

  *

  We say goodnight after polishing off some sticky toffee pudding and custard. Mum makes me promise to let her take me baby shopping soon, and to show her the twelve-week scan photo when I get it.

  ‘I promise,’ I say, pulling her in for a hug.

  ‘You know I only want the best for you, don’t you?’ she whispers as she tightens her grip on me. ‘I know I can be a bit full on sometimes …’

  ‘Try all the time,’ I reply with a weary smile. ‘It’s lucky I’m used to you now.’

  Scott and I walk down the street towards his car, which is parked near my cottage. I look back and grin to see my mum watching us from the living room window.

  ‘Don’t look now, but we’re being watched,’ I whisper to him.

  He decides to ignore me and turns around to wave at my mum, who darts back behind her curtains.

  ‘She’s something else, isn’t she?’ He chuckles and shakes his head. ‘By the way, why did you tell me not to say anything about why we broke up?’

  I feel my cheeks turn crimson. ‘I … I didn’t want her to think badly of you, that’s all. If she heard what happened after we spent the night together, it wouldn’t matter what the circumstances were. You’d be Satan to her!’

  He doesn’t reply and digs his hands deep into his pockets. ‘Thanks. I don’t think I’d like to be on the receiving end of your mum’s wrath!’

  We reach his car and stand looking at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do next. He opens his arms and pulls me in for a quick, rather awkward hug. Just as I’m enjoying being in his arms, he lets go.

  ‘Twelve-week scan next week!’ I say in an attempt to diffuse the tension that’s built up between us.

  He nods. ‘Can’t wait!’

  We say a stilted goodbye and I watch him drive off, his words from dinner still ringing in my ears.

  We might not be together anymore, but I still love and respect Cleo so much.

  Wow.

  Chapter Six

  My first scan falls on a gorgeous late summer’s day, a week after dinner at my parents’. As I bake up some tasty creations at The Pastry Corner, I can’t stop thinking about it. I do my best to concentrate on the tasks at hand, but I almost drop a tray of cupcakes as I’m taking them to the display cabinet.

  ‘Nervous about today?’ Fred asks with a smile. ‘Don’t worry, everything will be fine, you’ll see.’

  ‘I’m just worried in case there’s a problem or they find something bad on the scan,’ I admit. ‘I know it’ll probably be fine, but I can’t help worrying.’

  Fred pats my shoulder. ‘I’m afraid the worrying only gets worse from here, love. You worry about them from the moment you find out you’re going to meet them! But that’s parenthood for you, it’s the best thing in the world. I wouldn’t be without my two now.’

  The knot of anxiety in my chest unfurls a little and I’m able to breathe a bit easier. It’s good to know I’m not alone in my fretting at least.

  ‘Thanks Fred,’ I say with a grin. ‘I guess it’s still a bit hard for me to wrap my head around all of this. When I was at school, I never thought I’d have any of this. I was Chunky Monkey! But now all of a sudden, it’s all happening and I just need a minute to catch up.’

  ‘I think you left Chunky Monkey behind two years ago when you started that bucket list of yours,’ he reminds me.

  Ah, the bucket list.

  The unchecked items come back to the front of my mind and I’m reminded of my idea to create a whole new list since my current one is almost finished. I find myself wondering again if I can still dream big with a baby to look after. And have I really left Chunky Monkey behind if I’m worrying about how my body will change?

  Just then, the bell above the front door rings to tell me we have a customer. I look up to see who it is and my blood turns to ice in my veins.

  Standing in front of me is none other than Amanda Best, my former high school bully and occasional frenemy.

  ‘Well, well, well,’ she says with a broad grin. ‘Long time no see!’

  My brain and body argue with each other for a moment over how to react. My body would like to run and hide in the walk-in freezer, but my brain tells me I�
��ve got this.

  ‘How are you Amanda?’ I match her smile with a rictus grin of my own. ‘Can I get you anything?’

  She purses her bow-like lips for a moment as she peruses the cakes we have on offer. ‘You know what, I think I’ll have one of your chocolate éclairs please. In fact, make it two!’

  I’m a little taken aback as I select the two nicest ones for her. ‘Last time I saw you, you were on that Paleo diet!’

  Amanda grins as she hands over the money for her éclairs. ‘Well, things have changed since then.’

  ‘Oh?’

  To illustrate her point, she opens up her navy pea coat and puts her hands on her stomach. Through her loose dress, I can see the tiny beginnings of a bump.

  ‘I’m eating for two now,’ she says.

  My jaw drops open. ‘Wow, that’s great! Congratulations Amanda, when are you due?’

  ‘Middle of February, might even be a Valentine’s baby!’ She pats her stomach and I notice for the first time how glowing her complexion is.

  ‘There’s a coincidence,’ I say. ‘That’s when I’m due too!’

  I’m not quite sure what makes me blurt out my pregnancy news. Maybe part of me wants to see what my frenemy’s reaction will be. Maybe somewhere deep down, both of us are still keeping score with our lives and tallying life experiences. We might’ve moved past the days of Chunky Monkey, but there’s still an undercurrent of rivalry between us.

  Amanda lets out a squeal of joy and comes behind the counter to hug me, squeezing me so tight I can feel the air being forced out of my lungs.

  ‘Oh my god Cleo, this is great! We can be mum buddies! And do you know what the best part is? I’m moving back to Silverdale for good in a couple of months!’

  My stomach sinks to somewhere near the Earth’s core, but my manic grin remains perfectly intact. As I pretend to be “super thrilled” about Amanda coming back to the village and listen to her talk about signing up for pre-natal yoga, I feel a sense of impending disaster. Both of us in the same village is a recipe for trouble, surely?

  But hey, at least she’s stopped calling me Cleopatra.